There's Something About Sai
by Jennjennr
Summary: Sai's journal, his thoughts and the events of his day in his eyes.
1. Chapter 1

**There's something about Sai.**

Entry one:

I have heard that waking up from a nights sleep is the bane of most humans' existence. Ugly for instance has manners similar to that of a bear in the mornings… For me, mornings are just another part of the schedule… no different or more bothersome than eating or taking a shit…. It is necessary, so I do it. I have explained my thoughts to Sakura-san and she responded with a glare…. She does not appreciate profanity… I must remember that…. But at least I know I can feel physical pain… maybe this will aid me in experiencing other emotions. Naruto on the other had seems to like mornings… it almost seems to amplify the volume of his voice… After several days of seeing this occur, I had the weird urge to hit him over the head… is this an emotion I wonder… I must remember to ask Ugly… she would know.

Speaking of Ugly, I have noticed the inconstancies of the female of my species… the females seem to want to gain my attention, but the moment they do they act… oddly. Their faces turn an odd red color and they stutter… if they are so inept at human interaction they should not attempt to gain my attention and waste my time… I find it most odd, I simply walk away when they do this. For some reason my act of rudeness only seems to further their attempts to interact with me. Also I have seen them glare at Sakura-san if the two of us are walking together… I have asked her about it and she only laughed. I really do not understand females.

Having joined Team Kakashi, I have learned several things regarding human interaction… a nickname can familiarize you with the person… but you must beware what you choose as a term… to different people the names can cause anger or humor… I believe this based on the reactions… The one called Choji for example, my attempt to call him 'Fat' was quickly halted by Dickless… but my calling Ino 'Gorgeous' was a resounding success… I must learn how to choose the names carefully… Ugly says that I should just give it up all together, but just look how much our interactions have increased and improved… she hardly tries to kill me anymore.

Maybe I will wait on giving nicknames until I am familiar with the person, that way the name will fit better. Yes that sounds like a good plan to me, first observe then execute…

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A/n: Hmm well here's the first installment of this story… it will continue, but I have no idea when… it will be a very spur of the moment kind of story. I hope I did Sai some justice… his thoughts are very hard to guess… but I hope I did ok. Please feel free to review and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading. 


	2. Chapter 2

There's something about Sai.

A/n: Thank you to all of my reviewers... I love you guys!

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Entry Two:

The action of having a night at the bar and just spending time with one's comrades team mates or 'friends' is the favorite past time of all of the ninja's I have met since joining team Kakashi…

Eating meals out or going to a pub and having drinks and talking is really an action I am not familiar with. Naruto and Sakura make it a regular occurrence to eat out at the Ichikaru Ramen stand almost every day. I know for a fact that Naruto is obsessed with the stuff, but why Sakura-san goes along with the fetish I cannot understand.

Then again I know she indulges the Hokage and goes to pubs and helps her drink her way through the villages Sake supply, so I guess helping Naruto eat all of the ramen is no different.

Last night Sakura-san and Naruto took me with them to a bar and ordered me a drink. Sake… it is a weird drink… the warmth it brings when it slides down your gullet is pleasant, but the bitter sweet taste is not to my liking… I did not complain when they cheered and ordered me more… I am used to having to carry out actions that are not to my liking. After several more drinks I began to realize the appeal of drinking… the warmth I felt on my tongue at first had spread through out my body numbing me.

Having seen many people drunk I can assume that was what I was feeling, and I began to act strangely… loud staccato noises came from me… that I can now identify as laughter. I have never felt in less control of my body the warmth had disconnected my mind from my body and I watched as I did things I didn't know I was capable of… laughing, what others would call flirting, and much to my surprise dancing with Sakura-san and deciding I should experience a kiss. Not really knowing what I was doing I lent down and placed my mouth onto hers…

Why do females over react to something so small… the swelling on my head is still sore and I had a weird sensation in my belly, almost an ache when she yelled at me for kissing her… she had said she didn't want to kiss me, well I felt she could have done it in a nicer way than slamming my head into the bar.

This morning I awoke to see a grinning Naruto hanging over my head and the feeling of kunai's slowly forcing their way into my skull. Dickless informed me that the feeling was called a hangover the result of the consumption of too much alcohol. Well his words were: "You drank too much" followed by an eruption of booming laughter. I felt as though my head was going to split from the noise.

Later I was told that it was my official initiation into the group but I feel that they just wanted to see me when I was drunk… I don't mind, I like to see the reactions of others to what I do to them too. But I can say from now on I will avoid the liquid called Sake and only drink it sparingly. And I shall never try to kiss Sakura-san again…

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A/n: ... Ok I don't know where this came from... but I like the way it came out. :D Fell free to tell me how I did. 


	3. Chapter 3

**There's something about Sai.**

Entry Three:

The leader of our 'team' one Hatake Kakashi, is really an odd person. He is famous for being, in his own right, a prodigy, known as the Copy cat ninja, one of the toughest men out there. Yet… he acts almost no better than Naruto, he is perpetually late, always slouches seems sloppy and lazy, and is a rabid fan of the porn series, Icha Icha Paradise.

His method of teaching is more of a teach-yourself philosophy, he gathers us all together and then sets us up in pairs to spar, or sets us to do laps and donkey work, as he sits in a tree and reads.

Now that Naruto is going through his special training with the porn lover, I have to spend even more time with Sakura-san; she is the only member of out team that is here and free. To me, spending time with her sometimes seems worse than having to put up with Kakashi's idiocy.

Most of the time she spends either studying scrolls, or training in the field, and much to my dismay, she now has an almost regular shift at the hospital, so now I find myself spending a lot of time sitting and waiting at the hospital for her sift to end.

The weirdest things happen while I wait, of course there is the usual females staring at me and acting odd, but also injured people will walk up to me and ask me questions, sometimes for help, and sometimes just to pass the time.

Yesterday I was waiting, staring at the wall and trying to ignore the people around me when a small girl walked up to me and –sat on my lap- she sat _on my lap_ and turned her scary brown large eyes to me. Fighting the urge to throw her off of my person and across the room, she began to ask me all sorts of weird questions, my favorite color, my name, who was my favorite person was, what was my favorite food, who was my mommy, who was my daddy, how old I was, what kind of ice-cream did I like, what was my job, did I have a girl friend, and if I thought she was pretty. I believe these questions are in order and were said in under a minute and with out pauses in between for breath.

I blinked my eyes and removed her, caught the arm of a passing nurse and handed her the obviously disturbed child and let her deal with it, and went in search of Sakura.

I found her in an examination room, examining an obviously injured nin, his blood was coating her arms and hand, and had even splashed up to splatter on her face and in her hair. Not really wanting to return to the waiting room and face more insane questionnaires, I slumped my shoulder on the doorway and watched her work.

The injured nin hadn't yet realized I was there, even though I was in his direct line of sight, and while he was exposed and not paying attention to his surroundings… well maybe just to one aspect of his surrounds: Sakura. He seemed to be very aware that she was his doctor and that she was near enough for him to admire the pathetic lumps she called breasts. His blood staining the cloth over said 'breasts' didn't seem to make it into his attention either. I had a hard time not pointing out to Sakura-san that her patient was a lecherous male, but decided against it, Ugly need a boyfriend too someday, I'd let her get any attention she could.

After her horny patient was healed and shipped off to let himself injure himself a gain if he wished she finally looked up and noticed that I was standing in the hall adjacent to her obviously waiting and letting her have some alone time with the would be lover boy. Hell maybe she would get laid someday, what with idiots like this one and Naruto, not to mention the overly obsessed Rock Lee who I personally think should have his head looked at by a professional.

Declaring that she was hungry we then proceeded to the nearest place to eat and spent the next half hour silently staring at one another over our plates of food as we ate. Personally I can't see why some men think watching a woman eat is arousing… have they honestly paid attention? It is one of the more unpleasant things I have had to witness, seeing the sight of unchewed food in their mouth, the slight noise they make as they chew and swallow, and the way their cheeks puff up when they put the food in. Quite unsightly. I assume she felt the same way about watching me eat for at about the same time we pushed our only half finished plates away with a look of distaste. I silently vowed to never really watch another person eat for the rest of my existence.

After the insightful meal we then went to the library and each picked out some scrolls about knowledge we sought. Her some medical text and me more reading on human relations, my reading was about male and female relations. This was something I have read about previously so I was not really paying close attention till the text mentioned sex. Now being an Anbu level Nin I have a basic knowledge on the subject, but I realized that I had a wealth of information sitting beside me in Sakura. She was a medic-nin, she must know more about the subject. The in's and out's of it (1).

I turned to her and waited till my staring into her skull had attracted her attention. When she finally fixed her eyes on me I gave her a smile hoping to loosen her up and asked her quite plainly. "Tell me about sex." She blinked owlishly at me before she asked me to repeat my question. Patiently I did so wondering how in a building where everyone was quiet as a rule, she couldn't hear my question; maybe she was going deaf…

When she fell to the floor in shock I began to realize she was a real freak. Everyone was staring at us as she stood up and hissed at me: "What did you say?" Knowing she was referring to the subject I looked directly at her and ignored the stares replied in a loud voice: "Sex" hoping she would finally understand what I was saying.

She turned a deep red color and behind us I heard several muffled chuckles and snickers. Looking back I see Kiba shoving his fist as far as he could into his mouth to stop from -I assume laughing, other than that I would believe he was trying to cut off his oxygen passages and end his life. Beside the slightly suicidal Kiba was a stunned Neji a scroll in his had and a slight blush on his stoically frozen face. Sakura made a squeak and ran out of the building leaving me to put away her scrolls and train all alone. And they call her the nice one she didn't even tell me about sex.

XoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoX

A/n: Sorry for the wait.

(1) Ha I so couldn't resist the pun… forgive me. :D


	4. Chapter 4

There's something about Sai.

Entry Four:

My art is something that I hold to myself, sharing it is something I'm not used to doing. As a member of Team Kakashi, I seem to be doing this more and more frequently. Sakura-san has taken a real interest in what I am painting, and why I am doing so. She seems to have a belief that I am expressing something when I paint.

To me art is a form of meditation, the action of the brush sliding a black line on the paper is calming to me, this is one of the reasons that I utilize it as a jutsu. It helps to clear my head. The images I paint are mostly what I see in from to me. Plants are the main focus of my art. Although I have had the urge to do more then what I see… the book of my brother and I is an example. Though I did live through a lot of the images in the book, a lot of it was something that just seemed to come from the action of my hand rather than my mind.

I like simple lines, and I am not one for images that are abstract. My art is the things I see and understand. A tree, a person, a sakura blossom, a kunai, a tiger; these are all things I can see and understand. Sakura-san feels that I need to add emotion to my paintings. But how am I supposed to add these when I am incapable of feeling them.

Naruto calls the fact that I paint being 'gay' but I just smile and reply that I feel that creating more than one of yourself can be seen as egotistical… he still hasn't figured out what that is but it seems to amuse Sakura-san.

Now that Naruto is monopolizing Kakashi I have more time to myself. If I am not with Sakura-san or training I spend it painting. My collection has grown large in the past few weeks. I have even taken my first request, Sakura-san asked me to create her a painting that she could hang in her medic-nin's office. I asked what she wanted me to paint and she said that really it was up to me; all she was sure about was that she wanted something to do with nature. At first I was going to paint a downward view of Konoha from high up on the Hokage's monument, but then as I thought it over I realized that that was not something that Sakura would really appreciate, it was a scene she has seen many times, in many seasons. Finally I found the image I wanted to capture for her, the view of sakura petals landing on a pond. The simple colors and image would be soothing and have its own beauty that could be appreciated in all seasons.

I presented the painting to Sakura and she was delighted. She claimed that I must have some grasp on my emotions to know the perfect thing to paint for her; I simply claim it is something I have picked up in my years of being a shinobi. A talent for reading people that comes with years of judging what they will do in any situation has also giving me some insight as to what they will like in art. She insists that it is more… I think I will let her have her fantasy.

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A/n: Hey look the little seperator line is working again, let us all rejoice! Anyway, again sorry for the wait... and that it's so short, but well the manga really isn't giving me any new ideas for him, so I kinda had to go back and look through it to try to get some insperation.

As always thank you so much to all of my reviewers, they all make me so happy, and actually wanting to write... see it works. You all are really so nice, and helpfull too. I hope he's still in character, and that this story is still enjoyable... even though it doesn't have a plot... how weird... oh well I like the freedom it gives me :D. As always feel free to tell me how I'm doing.


	5. Chapter 5

There's something about Sai.

Entry Five:

Today Sakura-san was upset about something she learned about her parents, she said that she had thought she knew them but that this made her realize that you never really know anybody. This set my mind to thinking; how can she their daughter claim to know all there is about her parents? As a nin I see people all of the time betraying those they had pledged allegiance to, those they fought beside, their friends, their family, their loves, their country. How can you ever really know someone?

To Sakura-san I am Sai, a code name, a teammate. To Tsunade and Danzou I am a tool. To Orochimaru I am most likely an annoyance. And to one I was brother. I assume I must have been a son to someone even if only for a moment… How can I claim to know anyone when I don't know myself? Who am I? Sai? A tool? Brother?

To myself I am a nin, a fighter, a shinobi.

Is that all I am? A fighter.

Death to some when I look into their eyes as I end their lives.

Am I someone's friend?

Naruto, Sakura… they are teammates, but are they also my friends? They take me with them to try and share laughter with me, they confide in me, they ask me to paint them pictures, they took me to get drunk. Do those things qualify me as a friend?

I looked to the depressed Sakura as these thoughts ran through my head. The need of answers drove me to ask: "Am I your friend?"

Her eyes widened then they… softened and she nodded.

"Yes Sai, you are my teammate, and you are my friend. I hope I am counted among your friends as well." She said.

A friend, I have a friend… as is Naruto I suppose.

A friend, they are my first I guess -not counting my brother.

A smile found its way to her face and I did my best to return it with all sincerity.

"It's nice to have a friend." I answered.

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A/n: Wow, so many great reviews. Thank you all so much for liking my story. It's right now my favorite thing to write. Tell me if my head gets too big and my writing starts to suck cause you all make me feel wonderful and I'm trying to keep this thing in character and not squee and write about happy sappy things, which is what your lovely reviews make me want to do. 

Again thanks so much for the support, I know these type of fics aren't that popular, and I'm so thankful you have all given it a shot and read it, and even more honored that you like it.

As always feel free to tell me how you think I'm doing. :D


	6. Chapter 6

There's something about Sai.

Entry Six:

Winter brings cold and snow along with the holidays and an increase of missions requiring us to travel with a group or individual as they leave to join far away family. Seeing as how Sakura-san is the only member of our five man team that has a family to spend the winter with, she finds this influx of simple missions as a great annoyance. To the rest of us these missions are a needed break from the holiday cheer everyone else seems to enjoy.

Walking through a blizzard in Snow Country was a lot less painful than watching families gathering and being together while you watched. Never before had I felt this way, till I gained a team of my own and watched as Sakura-san was eager to go home and leave us to be with her family.

I had noticed the lonely look that had come into Naruto's eyes as well. Most evenings as the female ran off Yamato, Kakashi, Naruto and I would head to the ramen stand and eat there, we would usually be joined by Iruka. I began to realize that this was because we were all alone in the world –having no real family to spend the holiday season with we spent it with each other.

When the week before the big holiday known as Christmas came about, we were all rather stunned that Sakura-san declared we would all spend the week with her and her family, she even demanded Naruto bring Iruka. She said we were her family too and that she had been neglecting us. For the first time in over ten years Kakashi, Iruka and Yamato received Christmas gifts. For Naruto and I it was our first. Naruto received a ramen cookbook and a load of groceries while I was gifted a set of brushed and several canvases. Walking out into the gently falling snow that night I was holding my gifts when I finally understood why so many people liked this time of the year. Looking back at Sakura-san's house I smiled in farewell a sincere smile that seemed to be becoming more frequent than my fake one.

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A/n: Um Hi... Yeah sorry for the um super long wait, but concider this a late Holiday special, really I was struggling with the new chapter seeing as I've had no inspiration from the manga in a long time, but Lord be praised, they are finally moving on and adding Sai back in finally! So hopefully I'll get something... Anyway thank you so much for reading and feel free to tell me what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

There's something about Sai.

Entry Seven:

Uchiha Sasuke, a re-occurring problem within the group that is Team Kakashi. One of the original members of the team who left to play with the butt-pirate Orochimaru. My first assignment as a member of this team was a 'retrieval' of the defected Sharingan user, which was unsuccessful might I add.

He is the one all of my team wants back so desperately, the bonds they shared were very strong, so strong in fact that his betrayal and attempts to kill them still haven't severed them. He is the one I fear above all others, my place in the team is only as a temporary placement till he can be fully converted back into a loyal Konoha nin. The very thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I have seen Sakura-san cry till her eyes were red over him, I have seen Naruto agonize over him, knocking down his sunny personality till it was only a dull grey, I have seen Kakashi-san waste hours staring in front of the memorial stone, then wandering around aimlessly obviously thinking deeply about something. This male -this traitor- they all want back… I think I hate him. He is such a part of their hearts while I am nothing. A replacement who is only now starting to matter.

Now I hear that he has killed the sennin Orochimaru, and is now on the loose once again. We are to retrieve him once again –is it bad that I almost wish we will fail again?- this time we are to seek him out using the bait of his brother Itachi and Itachi's desire to retrieve the kyuubi from inside Naruto-san as bait… Naruto-san is putting himself into extreme danger to retrieve this Uchiha. Gee what a wonderful legacy that clan has, one brother the one who instigated a mass genocide of the clan, the other who betrays his village hurting his friends, putting them in danger… all for his own selfish plans.

Yet as I stand here, with my team waiting for the mission to start, I know I will do everything I can to help get him back, not only is it my duty as a shinobi, but I wish to end the hurt from my friends, see them happy, truly happy for once, to restore Naruto-san's sunny personality, and to finally see a pure joyful smile from Sakura. I will fight; die if I have to, to see that.

Here we go, Uchiha, I will get you back, only for them, no matter the hurt you will cause me.

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A/n: Um... Hi. Sorry for the ubber long wait... I hope this is satisfactory. Grr, I haven't had any ideas for this... Anyway thanks for reading and please feel free to tell me what you think. 


	8. Chapter 8

Entry Eight:

Stress it affects all people in different ways. Some thrive on this force; they do amazing things while the pressure is on. Naruto is like this, if he is in a situation where his back is against the wall he pushes harder, he breaks the wall, or uses it to make his point, he'll slam his opponents head into it. Other people dwindle under stress; they can't handle it, something not often seen in the shinobi world. Deadlines, time tables, meetings, even things as simple as arithmetic have caused people stress, these types I have not seen Naruto excel at overcoming. On the other hand, Sakura excels at this type of stress, give her a problem like this and within a few moments she will have worked out a solution that is easy to follow and understand.

Being introduced to the world outside ROOTS I have had my first taste of this force of stress. Watching as people I am beginning to feel attachments for loose their way, their control over themselves. Watching Naruto act insane under the influence of the kyuubi, watching Sakura break down and cry after failing to retrieve Sasuke again. I cannot deal with the pressure these sights pushed upon my chest. I felt heavy though I carried no weight.

Is this being human? Feelings? Do they make you feel burdened? Is this something that could be used like Naruto uses walls? They push you, you push back… wasn't that some law of Nature? When you push something it pushed you back with and equal force. Could that be applied to the world of the emotional as well? If I feel a burden on me I can push back and use that to make me make it right.

My desire to remove the weight on my chest will make me fight hard to retrieve Sasuke, I don't want to feel the weight and if the only way to remove it is by forcing him here, then I will push back and make him come.

Life was so much easier when I didn't have one.

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A/N: Wow I'm actually updating somthing? Amazing... yeah sorry about the wait. This was mostly a stress reliever, hence the subject. Thank yo for reading and as always feel free to tell me how I did, and leave ideas too... cause as the wait suggests, I have little to none. Anyway hope you all are well, and I'll try to update sometime before the next Ice Age.

Love Jenn.


	9. Chapter 9

There's something about Sai

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Entry Nine:

Today in the Hokage's office standing there waiting for Naruto to arrive to hear the news that Jiraiya had been killed I would have never guessed what I would witness.

Sorrow: grief, a feeling of deep sadness caused by a loss or misfortune.

I knew the definition of the word but had never really associated it with a physical state of being till this afternoon. I had seen people cry, break down and sob; loss of family and friends, tears run down their faces leaving tracks; I thought I was well versed in the art of sorrow, till this afternoon.

Never before had I seen such sorrow, his whole demeanor changed, this wasn't the Naruto I knew, the sunny boy full of fire to do something. When he came in the room and heard the news it was no longer Naruto, it was some monster, someone, _something_ I had never seen.

This wasn't the Kyuubi mind you, that I would have understood -no this was something deeper -this was a change in Naruto, him as a person.

Who was this Jiraiya, this man whose death wreaked such havoc on someone like my friend? Someone so happy, sure and nice became someone who was angry, vengeful, hateful and full of an aching sadness. So much so that I didn't know if it was still the same boy I meet all those missions ago.

Would I ever get my friend back? Even Sakura-san seemed worried, wanting to comfort him but at a loss as to how. Almost more than anything this struck me the most. If Sakura-san was worried to that degree for Naruto, could he ever be recovered to his old self? Was there any recovery from a grief that big?

After Naruto and the others had left I still stood frozen, unable to move. What was this feeling I wondered, looking around I saw Sakura-san staring at me worry still swimming in her eyes.

Walking up to me she put her hand on my shoulder gently I realized in comfort, because_ I_ was worried. Softly her voice spoke to me telling me it would be 'alright' that everything would be alright, and yet as the feeling in my chest stopped squeezing so hard it didn't go away.

Everything seemed to be falling apart, the mission was a failure, we had lost Sasuke-san, Uchiha Itachi had been found dead, and the mysterious 'Tobi' had lost us somewhere along the path. Then we come back our wounds not yet scabbed to learn of the death of the Sanin and to see Naruto collapse.

What was happening to my world, where was the order, everything was chaos and I was losing all of the things I have just come to grow to need and want in my life. It is all slipping through my hands like water dripping down slowly as if to mock me with the failed chance. In ROOT all there was had been order, a schedule for everything nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened, missions that failed usually resulted in death, not just scabbed wounds, and there was never a moment for sorrow. Now in the last few days there has been no order, nothing has made any sense at all.

The question that keeps running through my mind is: how can people live like this?

The unpredictability, the complete lack of knowledge about what will happen in the next moment… It all seemed to leave me with the feeling of a vice on my chest squeezing and squeezing the breathe out of me as more and more disasters seemed to fall around my head and nothing made any sense at all.

Could I live like this? Should I? I have no order, I haven't felt like I could breathe right for days and yet… I have never felt more alive than I do now. The emotions that I am getting a crash course on are leaving me exhausted but I don't know if I can go back to not feeling them. Back to being dead…

Maybe the death of Jiraiya is just a birth for me; maybe I should learn to be like he was and to live this life like I enjoy every hair raising baited breath moment of it. Maybe, just maybe I will.

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A/n: Hmm this is the first time in a long time that I've written... I hope it is still good. Sorry for the wait I just couldn't find an idea or it would rush through my memory only to be a whisp of an idea when it came time to write. Please do review and let me know if this is still any good.

Thanks for reading!

Love, Jenn.

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	10. Chapter 10

There's something about Sai.

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Entry Ten:

The Leader of the Akatsuki invaded the village posing as many the leader and another have practically reduced this place to a pile of rubble and a mass grave in a matter of hours.

I have no idea where my team is, Naruto is still gone, hopefully to stay there since these –this- person is here for him, Sakura I haven't seen, same with Kakashi, yet judging by the number of bodies I have seen laying about I wonder if I cannot count them among the lost.

As I stare out at the piles of fallen buildings I wonder what is to come, if my team is truly gone; what I will do. Looking at the damage I wonder if this is the end of Konoha that Danzo-sama had so long spoke of, would Tsunade-sama still be the Hokage?

There is nothing for me to do but defend while I can, like those nameless shinobi who lie around having giving all to defend this village. There is no shame is fighting to the death for a cause, there is no shame in dying for what you believe. Is there shame in defying everything you've ever been taught since you were a child in favor of your friends? Because right now I don't feel like joining the other ROOT members and helping stage a coup d'état to gain control of Konoha, right now I feel like finding my friends, and helping my village.

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A/N: Short? Yes, but hey I actually did write something nee?

As always please feel free to tell me what you think and thank you for reading.

Love, Jenn


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